So, as I contemplate how it never rains, but pours, I am taking a gander at my profile on the online dating service. I think I might need to revise it. This is how it appears to everyone:
"I am an intelligent, articulate, beautiful young woman with a very stable head on my shoulders. Sometimes this intimidates men, although I don't actually want to intimidate people. I enjoy new experiences, but I also know what I like in what I do and who I date. My best quality is my ability to have fun--anytime, anywhere. My date will share a love for the same things: going to the movies, eating out, going to see live music (from small local bands to big concert venues), reading (I love to read, thus my BA in English Lit.), hanging out with friends (alone or together), playing video or board games, traveling.
I'm looking for a match who wants to have fun with me whether we're doing something new and crazy or if we're just sitting around drinking beer. I'm interested in meeting a man who is funny, interesting, and a blast to be around. I'm looking for a person who is accommodating but not a push-over; who is nice but willing to call me on my crap when I need it; and who is looking to commit to a fun and caring relationship.
I am really looking for someone who is funny, intelligent, and interesting, but someone who also has manners, and who wants to make a good impression."
This is how I think it should look:
"My date won't be a f'ing idiot. He will posses manners and good personal hygiene. He will pay for most of everything when we go on a date. He will make me laugh. This is a must. And if you don't make me laugh, I WILL kick you to the curb. Don't feel bad. I don't mean it as a dis to you, you just aren't THE ONE and I am looking for my own personal Neo.
I call things how they are: if I think you are slovenly, I will tell you. Or if I think you need a shower. Or if I think you drive like a jackass. Or if you eat with your mouth open. I do not ask of outrageous things from you, but I do expect you to act like a normal human that wasn't born in the bush of Australia.
I am intelligent. If that bothers you, then don't bother me. I am pretty. And not the skinniest person on the planet. If that bothers you, then don't bother me. And I like to do things, but not crazy things. I will not drive to Las Vegas with your loser band and sleep in the back of a truck just because you think it is 'punk rock.' I'm 30. Nothing I do is punk rock, although I am totally rockin' in the free world. And I like Star Wars and U2. I always have and always will. If you can't deal with the fact that I could probably kick your ass in Star Wars trivia, then don't bother me.
And I am proud to be awesome."
What do you think? Is it too much? Too brazen? Need to be shorter? Longer? More blunt, because seriously, these guys are freaking missing the point. (And no, I am not talking about Matt, who actually is one of the most honest and most forthcoming of all the men I have met online.)
4 comments:
Change the first line to "My date will make me laugh" and then carry on from there. Blunt but not off-putting that way. (If I read the first line as is I'm might run away with my tail between my legs). Otherwise it rocks. You rock! And I don't know how they're not getting it - the first description is YOU. And YOU are amazing and exactly what I would want in a woman or man. :)
I say, in my most humble and sheepish voice, THANKS!
"Proud to be awesome." You should have a t-shirt made.
Good post.
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