Saturday, February 24, 2007

Why Jack Bauer is the Sexiest Man on TV, But Why I Would Rather Marry Jim

Last summer, Heather and I decided to Netflix 24 and after watching one episode, we were absolutely hooked. As the seasons progressed, (TV seasons, that is) Jack Bauer just got sexier by the minute. Maybe it is the fact that not only does he save the world in one day, literally, but he can do it while looking smoking hot (Yummy tight t-shirt season in L.A.!), beat up, and compassionate all at once. He has saved numerous people, including but not limited to, his daughter, his wife (almost), the President of the United States, and everyone living in L.A. and the surrounding area.

Side note to the producers at FOX: Please bring Kim back. And then kill her. And Audrey, too. You kill everyone else that I like on there. Kill people I don't like. Please.

Now, I must admit a secret crush on Keifer since I was a little girl. I thought Keifer was right up there with Harrison Ford, which is saying a lot. And now, when Kiefer wears a tight gray t-shirt with a gun holster strapped over it and is running through the streets of L.A. to get the bad guys (who are all REALLY bad, not "kinda" bad), he just makes my knees tremble. And when Jack is double-crossed by the evil terrorists, and he knows that everyone at CTU is wrong, instead of getting killed, he rips out the terrorists jugular...with his TEETH! That is not only bad-ass, but sexy as hell. What other man on TV would do that, I ask you?

Now, why would I not want to marry Jack Bauer? Because about once a year, Jack gets into a sticky situation and then has to take at least 24 hours to fix it. At the end of last season, they sent him to a Chinese prison!! I couldn't live with that. We would have beautiful children, but the stress of living with the one man that can save the world would be too much for me. So I prefer to look and admire him from a distance. Still knowing full well that he is the hottest man on TV at this very moment.

With that in mind, though, I want to marry Jim from The Office. He is the funniest person, and someone that I would love to spend the rest of my life with devising great plans to trick Dwight. And he is sweet and endearing. Is he as hot as Jack Bauer? Hell no. But he is a catch in my mind because most men aren't funny enough. (And if Jack has one flaw, it is that he isn't funny, but then again, nuclear bombs really aren't that funny.)

Ok, who's with me?

PS: The #2 sexiest man on TV is Julian McMahon from Nip/Tuck.

The #3 man is Jeff Probst from Survivor. Say what you will, the men are sexy. So there, Tracy.

Why I Think My Landlord Can Go Straight to HELL!

OK, so I feel better today, but let me explain why I was in such a CRAPPY mood the other day. Not only was it the day before the most horrible day of the year (aka BLACK DAY), my landlord's real estate broker just really pissed me off.

My roommates and I moved into our beautiful home (which we lovingly call Wayne Manor) in August. August 5th, to be precise. On Sept. 1, LESS THAN A MONTH LATER, we were informed by the property management people that the owner of the home, Mark (aka SATAN'S RIGHT-HAND-MAN) is putting the house on the market.

"It's not going to be a problem for you at all. All you have to do is put the lock box on the door when you leave."

Of course, the first image that ran through my mind was of some pervo going through my underwear drawer and sniffing my panties.

Needless to say, it HAS been a pain in the ass ever since then, and of course, the market is starting to pick up so we have people calling all the time about the stupid house, which we are too poor to buy ourselves, but rich enough to pay some other dude's mortgage, which really chaps my ass, too. And the broker NEVER gives us the 24-notice which the lease specifically states we get. Of course, when I complain about it, we are noted as "The Problem Renters" and probably have a huge red mark on our file at the property management place.

All I want is to be able to watch 24 in my pajamas without having to worry when someone is going to knock on my door to snoop through my shit.

Dating. Again. Why Me?

Ahh, the wonders of dating. Or, more aptly, the wonderful horrors of dating. After a two-year relationship with someone who I thought was the love of my life, I am now dating again. I just thought he was the love of my life. In all actuality, I was being brainwashed into thinking he was the only one who would ever put up with me and my quirks. DO NOT fall into this trap, women!

Please. There are plenty of people who put up with me and my quirks. They just all happen to be women. Good women. But all married women or women in a committed relationship which they are not willing to break off for a secret lesbian love affair for little ole' me.

Anyway, now I am back on the singles scene, and with some of the horrors I have endured, it makes me wonder if it wouldn't just be nicer to be single forever. Once you have someone ask you to pee on you, you just kinda figure that it isn't time for dating. Maybe I'm getting old. Maybe I'm old fashioned. But don't ask a girl to pee on you on the second date, OK? It just isn't kosher in my book.

And please, for the love of God, take a shower before you show up, and check your hair and teeth. You do not want to be forever known in my circle of friends as "Unicorn Man," "Dude Who Didn't Shower," Or "Pee Man."

Welcome to My Blog, Version 1.2

I have decided to move my blog over to blogger because of the supreme difficulty it is for people to read my blog on myspace. And because myspace is creepy. Why I have a page is sort of beyond me. So, in the next few days, I will be converting my myspace blogs over to this one, and we will all then be able to join in my misadventures in life.