Dating. Again. Why Me?

Ahh, the wonders of dating. Or, more aptly, the wonderful horrors of dating. After a two-year relationship with someone who I thought was the love of my life, I am now dating again. I just thought he was the love of my life. In all actuality, I was being brainwashed into thinking he was the only one who would ever put up with me and my quirks. DO NOT fall into this trap, women!

Please. There are plenty of people who put up with me and my quirks. They just all happen to be women. Good women. But all married women or women in a committed relationship which they are not willing to break off for a secret lesbian love affair for little ole' me.

Anyway, now I am back on the singles scene, and with some of the horrors I have endured, it makes me wonder if it wouldn't just be nicer to be single forever. Once you have someone ask you to pee on you, you just kinda figure that it isn't time for dating. Maybe I'm getting old. Maybe I'm old fashioned. But don't ask a girl to pee on you on the second date, OK? It just isn't kosher in my book.

And please, for the love of God, take a shower before you show up, and check your hair and teeth. You do not want to be forever known in my circle of friends as "Unicorn Man," "Dude Who Didn't Shower," Or "Pee Man."