My List of Demands

Here I am, thinking of intelligent and more productive ways of meeting new people (men, specifically). This is always in the back of my mind: where am I going to meet ANYONE if not online? Then, as I was working, a woman came on the radio and said to "make a list and envision where that kind of person would hang out at. Then go to that place."

I thought, "I have a list! I should update it again." It seems so simple. We'll see. I'm quite the pessimist right now when it comes to men. I guess what I am working on right now is just trying to be nicer and more approachable to strangers, men and women alike, because I want to put forth a friendly persona. I have to practice that.

Here's the new list.

1) He must be pun-ny. I have no idea why, but stupid lame puns make me laugh. Hard. Don't ask me why; it just is.

2) He must have decent looks. Do I care if He is not of the "correct" height to weight ratio? Shit no, because then I would be a hypocrite. But I must be attracted to Him. My barf reflexes are not that great.

3) He must have passion. And I don't mean He has to be passionate toward me, just that we share the same passions (or some of the same passions). Life, music (not JUST Bono), movies, books. He has to enjoy going to the movies and watching movies. He has to like movies. He must like to read something, even if it is magazines or the newspaper. Never do I want to hear out of His mouth, "You're always reading. Why don't you spend more time with Me?"

4) He must appreciate me for who I am. Duh, right? Well, I may think so, but most of the men I have dated seem to think that I should be thankful for the small amount of time and attention they give me. Think again, assholes.

5) He must be funny, in addition to pun-ny. And He has to appreciate my humor as well. Never do I want to hear these words ever again: "You're not as funny as you think you are, Micaela." Because then I will be forced to reply, "Well, dumb ass, you have a horrible sense of humor. How's this for funny: GET LOST." He might not like that.

6) He must be smart. At least as smart as I am.

8) He must travel well. In other words, travel well with me. I like to travel. Nay, I LOVE to travel. And while on this last trip to New Orleans, I realized that my future partner must be able to travel well with me. Surprisingly, most of my exes have possessed this quality, but it still must be on the list as a must have.

9) He must be aware of certain social niceties. Such as, after two dates and He is still interested in me, He must be aware socially enough to realize that I will not wait around for Him to call me, and that He must put forth an effort for me to actually realize He is interested.

10) He must like to/want to hang out with my friends. And vice versa.