For the first time in a very long time, I am doing well after a breakup. I know I made the right decision, and I am really happy with it. Sure, I get a little sad sometimes when something reminds me of him, but then I just remind myself (sometimes not so gently) that I do not miss him, I just miss what I thought he could have been.
And I think that has been a lot of my problem in my life. I miss a variety of things, but did they ever actually exist? Or is it all a figment of my imagination? Did I imagine that one boyfriend in college really liking me as much as I thought he did? Did I convince myself of that at the time because it was more interesting and (a lot) more fun? Of course, I am willing to admit that there is always a bit of exaggeration in all memories. (That was my focus of my master's comp exams, so of course I know it better than most.) But I have finally came to the conclusion that my biggest disappointments are my own fantasies.
I have blamed Hollywood for quite some time, despite my fascination with everything movie-land. From the time I realized that not ALL girls get the guy, I was in for a world of disappointment. It has only taken me 32 years to realize that world doesn't exist. Except for in my head.
5 comments:
Very insightful. I love you and I wish all the best for you...in everything! You are a beautiful, intelligent, awesome woman and I am so thankful that I have you for a friend.
I remember when Josh & I broke up, you wrote me the coolest note that said something like, "You are a beautiful, awesome, strong woman who can change fluorescent light bulbs and leap giant buildings in a single bound." I still have the note. : )
I know exactly what you are talking about. During the biggest and most painful break up of my life, I realized this exact thing. In the aftermath of our demise (and boy was there aftermath) I didn't really miss him, or our life together, I missed what I had hoped our life together would have been. I missed the fantasy. Really, our life together was more misery than joy...and there wasn't a whole lot to miss.
Good for you for feeling comfortable and for recognizing what's going on.
xoxo
I am so glad that there are others out there who see this, too. Yeah! for women in power and taking control of their own lives!!!
As much as I love the idea of "fairy tale ending", it's disheartening when you realize it's just not reality for most people. I think I realized it at an early age, but ya know, I'm all about creating my OWN fairy tale ending. It may not look like Cinderella, but it will be MY fairy tale.
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