For the first time in a very long time, I am doing well after a breakup. I know I made the right decision, and I am really happy with it. Sure, I get a little sad sometimes when something reminds me of him, but then I just remind myself (sometimes not so gently) that I do not miss him, I just miss what I thought he could have been.
And I think that has been a lot of my problem in my life. I miss a variety of things, but did they ever actually exist? Or is it all a figment of my imagination? Did I imagine that one boyfriend in college really liking me as much as I thought he did? Did I convince myself of that at the time because it was more interesting and (a lot) more fun? Of course, I am willing to admit that there is always a bit of exaggeration in all memories. (That was my focus of my master's comp exams, so of course I know it better than most.) But I have finally came to the conclusion that my biggest disappointments are my own fantasies.
I have blamed Hollywood for quite some time, despite my fascination with everything movie-land. From the time I realized that not ALL girls get the guy, I was in for a world of disappointment. It has only taken me 32 years to realize that world doesn't exist. Except for in my head.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Alas, It Is True
Odd, seeing this post is right after a picture of us together, but as of today, the dude in the picture below and I are no longer.
I know. It came as a shock to me too when I realized I was happier thinking about us breaking up than staying together. Here's the skinny.
One day last week, yours truly was not feeling so well. I had a headache; I was tired. I was on the phone with Mr. Smarty Pants and he made fun of me one too many times. I requested that he stop making fun of me. He persisted. I explained how I didn't feel well and could he please stop making fun of me. He persisted. I explained that I WAS P.M.S.ING and he needed to stop or I was going to hang up. He replied, "You need to stop being so sensitive. I'm not making fun of you to be mean. I making fun of you to make myself laugh."
Now, this "man" has been married before and had a child with a different woman. He knows the workings of a menstrual cycle. And perhaps the reason he is not with the other two women any longer IS BECAUSE HE IS A MORON WHEN IT COMES TO WOMEN.
So, I was angry. I didn't say anything, nor did I hang up. I let him have his little "funny" attack on me. I politely said good bye and hung up. I calmed down the next day, and I called him to explain why I was upset the day before. I calmly (mind you: this is ALL NEW to Micaela. Micaela doesn't do calm angry. She does Angry angry) told him that it bothered me that he didn't respect my wishes when I asked him to stop making fun of me, and that it made me feel like he didn't like me at all. He laughed and said I had anger issues and that I needed to talk to my therapist about it. Can we say Master Deflector?
Oh, anger issues, huh? He hadn't even SEEN anger issues yet! Had he talked to some of my exes? Some of my friends? Someone who had actually SEEN me angry? No. He just didn't want to talk about it. When I said that we could talk about it later, he said, "No, I don't want to. I only want to talk about fun things."
I, trying my hardest not to scream profusely at him at the top of my lungs, decided I would try to use my new anger-management skills. I thought about it. And I thought about it. And I thought about it some more.
I came to the conclusion that if this person is 40 years old, he will never change. He will always push my buttons when I am "sensitive" even when I request him not to. I also realized I am a communicator and he is not, and that I could not live with someone like that for the rest of my life. I decided that rather than suffer through a grueling three months to see if "we can work it out" I would just break it off now.
The immense sense of satisfaction I got from that realization was profound. I knew I had made the right decision when all of a sudden I felt at ease with everything. Nothing was bothering me. Everything seemed right with the world again. And now I am off to update my online dating profile.
I know. It came as a shock to me too when I realized I was happier thinking about us breaking up than staying together. Here's the skinny.
One day last week, yours truly was not feeling so well. I had a headache; I was tired. I was on the phone with Mr. Smarty Pants and he made fun of me one too many times. I requested that he stop making fun of me. He persisted. I explained how I didn't feel well and could he please stop making fun of me. He persisted. I explained that I WAS P.M.S.ING and he needed to stop or I was going to hang up. He replied, "You need to stop being so sensitive. I'm not making fun of you to be mean. I making fun of you to make myself laugh."
Now, this "man" has been married before and had a child with a different woman. He knows the workings of a menstrual cycle. And perhaps the reason he is not with the other two women any longer IS BECAUSE HE IS A MORON WHEN IT COMES TO WOMEN.
So, I was angry. I didn't say anything, nor did I hang up. I let him have his little "funny" attack on me. I politely said good bye and hung up. I calmed down the next day, and I called him to explain why I was upset the day before. I calmly (mind you: this is ALL NEW to Micaela. Micaela doesn't do calm angry. She does Angry angry) told him that it bothered me that he didn't respect my wishes when I asked him to stop making fun of me, and that it made me feel like he didn't like me at all. He laughed and said I had anger issues and that I needed to talk to my therapist about it. Can we say Master Deflector?
Oh, anger issues, huh? He hadn't even SEEN anger issues yet! Had he talked to some of my exes? Some of my friends? Someone who had actually SEEN me angry? No. He just didn't want to talk about it. When I said that we could talk about it later, he said, "No, I don't want to. I only want to talk about fun things."
I, trying my hardest not to scream profusely at him at the top of my lungs, decided I would try to use my new anger-management skills. I thought about it. And I thought about it. And I thought about it some more.
I came to the conclusion that if this person is 40 years old, he will never change. He will always push my buttons when I am "sensitive" even when I request him not to. I also realized I am a communicator and he is not, and that I could not live with someone like that for the rest of my life. I decided that rather than suffer through a grueling three months to see if "we can work it out" I would just break it off now.
The immense sense of satisfaction I got from that realization was profound. I knew I had made the right decision when all of a sudden I felt at ease with everything. Nothing was bothering me. Everything seemed right with the world again. And now I am off to update my online dating profile.
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